Closed Off

I must admit that as a female you would think that I would want to surround myself with other women as we technically were created to enjoy the companionship of others and collectively as women we feel stronger, loved, secure, when we are with one another. Sometimes I think I find myself in a world all my own. Which in a western, individualistic society probably doesn't sound so bad. Plus I do enjoy that I like to walk to the beat of my own drummer. However...

After spending time sharing and speaking with Andrew at a conference in Miami called Re: put on by the Urban Youth Workers Institute (which hopefully they will continue with this conference and I want to tell other women it is worth investing in to attend because we really need to learn to re:invest in ourselves more often - okay no more plugs) I realized that I really needed to not close myself off anymore. So many have called, written on my blog, facebooked, texted and emailed. Thank you, thank you, thank you -

I know that I am not alone in this journey and that there are many many other women who have come before me and unfortunately there will be women who will come after me. I don't know why I shut myself in and couldn't bring myself to be surrounded by the wonderful company that is a group of strong, beautiful women. The conference was a women's conference which for a long time I stayed far away from. I don't know why a room full of women makes me personally far more uncomfortable than a room full of men. Maybe its because we so quickly judge one another and small talk really is not a women's "thing" which means we probably subconsciously put up walls to new comers. I know I do, and I don't mean to do it. So anyway back to this conference...It was wonderful all walls were down. The veils which we tend to hide behind were lifted and we were a group of women striving to find peace, relaxation, renewal in being unique people created in God's perfect image. It was a time to regenerate the female soul to encourage women to continue down the path of leadership, empowerment, and beauty where ever they find themselves even when a glass ceiling seems so thick. God thankfully called us all to do His work and we are all perfect (well with a lot of imperfect qualities) servants of the Lord.

But for me the most important aspect was realizing the need for good girl friends in my life. I need to extend myself to places that make me uncomfortable because selfishly I need good girlfriends right now in my life and from that I will hopefully be able to also extend the gift of what it means to be a good girlfriend to other women.

So with this lesson I want to extend a big thank you to all of those who have reached out. I have read your comments and I have cried knowing how much people care. The emotions I guess at the time were to raw and I didn't know how to express the disappointment. But all of your words were so encouraging.

I will continue to blog about our progress with infertility, but I am also going to chronicle my time really diving head first in reconnecting with old girlfriends and making new ones. Pray with me for this new journey as well. For me its way out of my comfort zone, but thanks to a very unlikely place at a Christian Women's Conference I learned the importance of having a solid group of women around me to mentor me, to help me, to encourage me and for me to give back with the same amount of emotion, connection and desire to speak into their lives as well.