Today in the car I tuned into the local Christian radio station. I have felt lately that my world is crumbling a bit and things right now seem a bit hopeless. As many of you who have read my blog know that we have been quite unsuccessful in our attempts at having children and have gone through extensive infertility treatments. Lately, I have been feeling very empty, defeated, hurt, confused, and angry. Even though I know and feel God is with me always I am still questioning why and waiting for the time when I look back and realize the reason for this very painful journey. So today I heard this song by an artist name Lincoln Brewster call "By the Power of Your Name" and I felt in my spirit that the words in the chorus were the simple truths that I needed to be living through no matter where I find myself. This is my challenge for my life:
And I will live
To carry on compassion
To love a world that's broken
To be Your hands and feet
I will give
With the life that I've been given
And go beyond religion
To see your world be changed
By the power of Your name
I don't know what tomorrow will bring or where my life journey is going to take me. I have ideas and I have dreams, but in all things I do I want to live and see this world transformed and changed by the Power of my Lord and Savior...
8 comments:
You are a very brave woman to tune into a local Christian radio station, but if they were playing music that sounds safer!
It's hard to be where you are now Brenda-- too much change, too much uncertainty, especially about career stuff. It took me a very long time to figure it all out, and to make the world of work friendly to me :-)
Confidense and ambition are a woman's best friends, and I believe things will improve with time.
Keep up your insightful blogging, and one thing that I find helps, is to focus on really great works of art or literature. If you read the best, you'll be the best!
P.S. And all this uncertainty about children and what that means.
That's something that you are facing, but I kind of had it easy there... I never wanted to have children, never wanted to marry men, and was really excited about going out in the world and fomenting women's revolution.
The idea of "family" was very different to me. Sometimes I think straight women have it so much harder than I do. Younger women somehow think we fought hard for reforms and revolutions, but what they often don't know about is how much fun and sisterhood we had in overthrowing male supremacy and exposing the abuse of power inherent in this structure.
We formulated the theories and went out and lived them. We have a satisfaction in having achieved seemingly impossible things.
But your group has other challenges. I have millions of good ideas, and will share whatever you think might be of service to this blog, and to sisterhood worldwide... spiritually, materially and theoretically.
Remember always to value your own self ... to put the highest value on your insight into how you will change this century. Beward of being too stuck in evangelical christian perspectives, and read a wide variety of Christian commentary, because there is a lot out there, and you probably haven't heard of it... yet :-)
Sorry to be a blog hog here Brenda, but a few hours ago, a California judge said that lesbian marriages are again legal in the state. It's been a very weird summer with all of this.
What's very interesting is that my partner and I will be celebrating a 35th anniversary coming up soon.
We've been putting together a photo album of us from every year we've been together.
35 years ago, we would never have imagined this, even though we did have a marriage ceremony at Metropolitian Community church ages ago. As we look back over 35 years, I must say, we have such a sense of satisfaction over the things we have accomplished together.
My hope for you Brenda is that when you look back 35 years, you'll have that sense of happiness over all you have accomplished. You'll be proud of yourself for being inspired in your careers, in your growth in faith, and perhaps you'll know that you helped expand civil rights for women worldwide.
I wanted to share this with you Brenda-- as I said earlier, my partner and I am compiling a 35th anniversary photo book.
I wanted to quote from it, because I am so happy today. But also, because it might inspire you-- one early feminist to a new generation woman such as yourself.
Here goes:
"This book shows the ups and downs of our lives as we traveled the globe and lived the American dream. We moved from Iowa to Asia to California, building and changing careers. We made our mark in the worlds of journalism, religion, art, literature, finance, politics and education. We advocated for women's equality and gay and lesbian rights. We walked nature trails with our faithful dogs and came home to our cats, with their power to heal and hiss. Through everything, we loved each other for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health. We hope for many more happy years together. And, as poet Elizabeth Barrett Browning says, "I love thee with the breath, smiles, tears, of all my life; and, if God choose, I shall but love thee better after death."
This is what a life lived well looks like; the adventure of feminism, the joy of being true to ourselves. It is what life becomes if you have faith, and you don't ever stop until you have civil rights that most people take for granted. Wish I could share the photo album with you someday.
beautiful words turtle woman. thank you. was wondering why the name turtle woman? any meaning/significance?
much love,
nathalie
thank you brenda for blogging. thank you for being a voice for me, someone i can relate to (i am a young, recent college graduate/ next generation) who loves God, strives to obey God's commandments. wants to share the love of Christ with all and live with love and truth, who identifies as Christian and also is a feminist/womanist, ie stands for woman's rights, human rights but wants to see woman empowerment and leadership especially in the church and in society,
cares about the double standard and the glass ceiling and woman's spheres and cultural expectations and limitations.
you are not alone. i have prayed for you. that God will fill you with God's love now and always.
be blessed.
nathalie
Remember the story of the Tortoise and the Hare? Turtles have always appealed to me. In native American culture they are very powerful symbols.
ok. really cool. i just looked it up. strength, fertility/ female power fetish, perseverance, truth, thought to defy death...
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