Okay so I have taken some time to grieve and will probably need more time to completely heal from this emptiness. But I am happy to say that today I woke up and felt filled again with God's presence. No my pain is not gone and my disappointment has not left, but my anger has been lifted and peace has begun to enter my soul again.
As some of you have read on my blog and others who know The Marin Foundation (TMF) and my husband you know then that we have also (in addition to our infertility struggles) been taking some major hits by one particular person in the media which has spread to other places as well. I will not speak badly about this person and I have asked God to help me pray for this person and those in a particular article which did not tell the entire truth. I am learning to simply right now ask for God's protection on their lives because that is about all I can say in my prayers for them. Maybe they will become "nicer" but hey I am human.
Anyway I say this because with everything that has happened in our lives I felt today that God's plan for my husband and I is complete. I or we may not totally understand the different events which occur or the reasons certain things happen both good and bad, but in everything there is a perfect plan A with God. We both recently have been able to look back in retrospect and see how awesome the Hand of God has been in our lives and the awesome doors of opportunity which have been opened for both of us. We have been blessed with many things and with many responsibilities and for all of those things I rejoice in being a child of God.
I am learning that because I have God in my life and I wear the armor of His protection then I need to stand strong when the foundation under me begins to shake. With God's armor I need to know that I can take life's hits and weather the storms and walk through the valleys for God is always with me no matter where I find myself on this perfect journey and plan A.
Are there times in your life when you find that you need to look back and rejoice on the blessings which God has given? Do you see times when you were in valleys or walking in storms and realize how intricate those times were and how important they were to your future?
Today I am filled, not totally healed, but filled. I have courage, strength, and hope on my side!
Happy Friday!
5 comments:
Plan A...beautiful! :) You guys hold a special place in my heart. I'm with you and praying for your next step.
I think to have faith is the very best thing, and as time goes by, we see things that we couldn't in the moment.
As a fighter for social justice for over 30 years, I see all the things that have changed for the better. But with every advance comes counter attack.
What I'm always happy about is seeing things change in small social ways. I love it when I see black women and white women together laughing and having fun.
I love it when I go to a huge concert on a beautiful summer evening and seeing perhaps thousands of lesbian couples holding hands, and realizing that 12 years ago, this didn't happen in the same venue.
It's because over time, social justice wins out, and we develop a culture where this is possible.
Since you are new to the world of social justice Brenda, you'll see things that maybe you were protected from seeing when you were younger. Remember, as a white straight woman, you see a part of the world, but not all of it. So push back and a tough gay and lesbian community is not something you are entirely used to.
But then again, you are the majority and have the right to marry, and the ability to walk down the street holding your husband's hand without fear of being beaten up. However, even the majority does not get everything. I try to connect my sense of loss to a larger world, where one thing might be a profound social disadvantage, and yet the same disadvantage turns into something really great.
My two cents from the oceans and tides of change :-)
great sermon. better than any sunday! thanks for sharing your heart. it was so encouraging and a great reminder.
April and Kdana (Kimberly) thank you for your kind words. I am trying everyday to understand faithfully God's plan through all of this :). Turtle Women thank you also to your strong words of encouragement and challenge. I do believe that in many things we discover retrospectively why the path we were on was important and understand the meanings behind each struggle in our life journey. I do believe that in faith I will be able to look back and see the significance this time has been for me and my own personal story. Yes, I am a newbie to truly using my voice for social justice and wanting to actively be a part of a movement which hopefully begins to shift this world's mindset. I will take your words to heart knowing that yes, as a white, hetero woman I am privileged at some levels. I promise to use those gifts with great responsibility and appreciate the lessons, stories, and places you have been. Thank you for sharing with all of us. We each have so much to learn from one another.
I love your heart, Brenda. I am so glad that above all, your heart is open to Jesus and to healing, to wholeness and purpose. You inspire and challenge!
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