So today I am fearing even the anticipation of things to come. Have you ever felt this way? My stomach hurts, my nerves are high, and I want to crawl into a hole and just hold myself maybe in a crazy way rock back and forth and cry.
My heart literally feels like it could exit my body through one major pump. That would be an interesting event. Boom no more heart maybe it would help take away these feelings I am having today.
Do you have events in your life that sometimes just thinking about them can lead you to feel uneasy and uncertain? I was reading yesterday, I think, one of the Proverbs 31 devotional emails and the entire post was about the perfect timing and gifts of God. The writer described a family that had lost everything in this very uncertain economy. This family apparently was a very wealthy pillar in the community and a very generous and loving Christian family too. Her questions and even anger with God is how could our God do this to people like this family. Then she referenced 1 Timothy 6:17 (NIV) "Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant not to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God who richly provides us with everything..."
It is the second half of this verse which really resonates with me. My husband and I are not wealthy by worldly standards but we have been blessed with a lot and we are always trying to learn how to remain responsible with those blessings, but in this time of fearing anticipation I always want to hold onto the promise that our God will always richly provide us with everything we need. I do not believe that this simply means monetary items or that richly is only measured in lots of money, but goes so much further. I do believe that our God understand each situation whether, monetary, infertility, family, home, job, education, etc. So for today I am trying to lean on my Lord that He is the ultimate provider in all things and His promises are real. I am praying for miracles in this time of anticipation.