Okay so I have taken some time to grieve and will probably need more time to completely heal from this emptiness. But I am happy to say that today I woke up and felt filled again with God's presence. No my pain is not gone and my disappointment has not left, but my anger has been lifted and peace has begun to enter my soul again.
As some of you have read on my blog and others who know The Marin Foundation (TMF) and my husband you know then that we have also (in addition to our infertility struggles) been taking some major hits by one particular person in the media which has spread to other places as well. I will not speak badly about this person and I have asked God to help me pray for this person and those in a particular article which did not tell the entire truth. I am learning to simply right now ask for God's protection on their lives because that is about all I can say in my prayers for them. Maybe they will become "nicer" but hey I am human.
Anyway I say this because with everything that has happened in our lives I felt today that God's plan for my husband and I is complete. I or we may not totally understand the different events which occur or the reasons certain things happen both good and bad, but in everything there is a perfect plan A with God. We both recently have been able to look back in retrospect and see how awesome the Hand of God has been in our lives and the awesome doors of opportunity which have been opened for both of us. We have been blessed with many things and with many responsibilities and for all of those things I rejoice in being a child of God.
I am learning that because I have God in my life and I wear the armor of His protection then I need to stand strong when the foundation under me begins to shake. With God's armor I need to know that I can take life's hits and weather the storms and walk through the valleys for God is always with me no matter where I find myself on this perfect journey and plan A.
Are there times in your life when you find that you need to look back and rejoice on the blessings which God has given? Do you see times when you were in valleys or walking in storms and realize how intricate those times were and how important they were to your future?
Today I am filled, not totally healed, but filled. I have courage, strength, and hope on my side!