Thursday, December 17, 2009

Where does Faith and Science meet or not meet

So I have this question - Andrew and I have not yet been faced with the prospect of invitro, but it is something that we may need to face if the IUI procedure is not possible for us. Since we haven't even tried yet, I don't want to totally jump the gun - but I am thinker and a future planner so it has crossed my mind about invitro - and I guess the question comes in as to when does belief, faith, and science not go together anymore.

Here is my thoughts - I believe that life begins at conception (or the meeting of the egg and the sperm) if that is true then when the doctor puts those together then they are vaible lives right? Okay so what happens if they remove from me several eggs because of course not all become viable options. Okay so lets say that when they do their doctor thing that 6 eggs and sperms meet and are healthy and viable. They only will implant three into a woman (maybe four) but no more then that. So what happens to those other 3-4 lives? I have been told you can freeze them, donate them to science, or donate them to another couple...

Okay freezing them is an option because maybe Andrew and I will only have one child out of the ones that are implanted and we will want to try for another (if we get more then one on the second try then so be it) but what if we get twins on the first try and we do not wish to be implanted with any more children?

Donate it to science - I don't think I could stomache this idea that a perfectly created life by Andrew and I has been placed in the hands of science - that would be me deciding that this life will not ever be - I just don't think that is what I believe nor do I believe that is my right.

Donate it to a couple or woman who can't have children or this is not an option for them - Okay this one Andrew and I both agree. There is no way we could knowingly have a perfect genetic child out there being raised by someone else who is 100% Andrew and mine...

So what are your thoughts - Again, Andrew and I have not been faced with this decision yet, but we did need to start thinking about it as we do have infertility issues and it may be a decision we have to make. We will need to pray a lot more about it and get counsel, but if anyone finds this blog. I am curious what you think...


Anonymous said...

I love you.


Betty Stew said...

You just started a blog, and I have never commented on a blog - so as you say "here we go."
My post to you is not filled with advice or evaluation but with pride for your bravery and transparency.
A women doesn't know she can feel so much, so strongly before she becomes a Mom.
And then she holds her firstborn and knows from that instant that she would do anything possible for that dear one. Give all that is within her to help fill the dreams and desires of that dear one.
That is how I feel about you, my dear daughter.
Brenda, I am believing with you, hurting with you, crying and praying with you.
And then I am dreaming with you. You know, Brenda, I have often over the years relayed to you some of the many dreams I have had.
Now my dreams are filled with you someday holding your firstborn. your "angel"
Dad and I love you so much. And we will be here for you and Andy.
God has shown Himself so real to our family - and we believe He will give you the desires of your heart.

Anonymous said...

Ad a fellow Christian, I also questioned those things when we decided to try and have a family. My thoughts however, were different. I actually did not know the depth of the process, I simply knew that it was an artificial way to conceive. I know severeal friends who have struggled with it and even a few who chose to do this. My comment comes from my very best and dearest friend. She is 29 and has now been trying to have a baby for 7 years with her husband who is now 32. They have tried Chlomid and done the fertility tests. The only thing is that neither of them have even remotely any kind of health issues. They both have completely normal reproductive systems. Her husband is a pastor and believes thast God will provide a baby for them when God is ready. One night I had a dream about it all and I believed that God was giving me word for my friend. God said to me that things are not in our time they are in His time. He then said that many of us believe that when God tells them soon that is means within a year or so. But remember Sarah from the Bible?? He said that she would have a baby but did not say when! He just promised it would be so!!! She did not conceive for decades but then had a child!!! All things are possible through Christ!!! Now he also says that he will give us the desires of our hearts, but are hearts are designed to please God and do little else! So basically if He believes that having children will help us please Him then he will do so. Does this make sense?? Our pastor did a sermon on this months ago and it touched us very deeply. We are on the other end of this topic. We had two children extremely close together and I prayed very hard and begged God for answers I had little time with Anthony as a baby. I was very tired and sick for most of my pregnancy and also working full time. I begged him for some kind of solice. I did find it at my 12 week appointment when we could not find Dominic's heart beat! I was crushed and thought I had lost him. Then God spoke and He said "listen", a new nurse came in and immediately found the heartbeat!! I was so thankful and realized that my "plan" to have children 2 years apart and be staying at home when I got pregnant again was not for me to decide. It was for God to decide!!!! Since then we have realized that we cannot plan our lives. We cannot say when we want things to happen. Only God can!!! AMEN!! How wonderful to know He is in charge and when things take off in our lives we will be blessed over and over again by letting him take control. So here is my point. When we were trying to have Anthony, we decided that we would do nothing as far as intervention goes to get pregnant. When God had it planned, He would make it happen. I do believe that it is up to each individual. You know what God is calling you to do. I think that you need to seek cousel from your pastor. I really had NO idea that the eggs were fertilized and then could be destroyed. That is a very hard thing to deal with. I will definitely be praying for you along this journey and I will put a prayer request in at church. I am so sorry you are going through this. Please draw closer to God, He will carry you through it all!!!
Mandi Capo

April said...

Tears spilling down my face as I read your mom's comment. My mom has been irreplaceable during our infertility journey, and I could see your same mother's heart toward you. Beautiful...

Dena said...

Hi Brenda,
I met Andrew at a conference this past weekend, and stumbled across your blog from his... What a wonderful man you have, and what a blessing to all of the rest of us - thank you for being willing to support him in his mission! I don't have any experience with IVF, but do have a friend who had similar thoughts to yours regarding how many embryos and what to do with them... She had two fertilized, and both implanted. She now has two beautiful twin daughters (8 years old), and no frozen embryos or kids she doesn't know. So, it is possible to do IVF and not have extra embryos to have to decide what to do with... Just thought I would share what my friend did, and I'm sure you'll decide what is perfect for you, and God has the perfect plan already!
Much love,
Dena in California