Friday, August 3, 2012

Yikes its been a long time...AGAIN...

I feel like the boy who cried wolf in the old fairy tail we grew up hearing. In fact, it was one of my favorite Disney short films which I don't think is even in circulation anymore... Yikes another realization on how old I am truly becoming.

Anyways as the boy who cried wolf, in promising to be more proactive and consistent in writing on this blog, I am going to confess my reality and the reality which all of you have probably come to accept from me... I will not be making any promises as to how many times I will write on this blog or share my thoughts. I will however, attempt over and over again to commit to writing on this blog. I guess you could equate this with my dieting and/or exercising habits. Its a constant promise and let down... So sorry, but no more broken promises just reality. Maybe with the correct expectations will bring more consistency or maybe it will bring just the same :)

I must confess that I think the difficult part is actually being disciplined enough to actually write when something pops into my head that I think I want to put out there on the blogosphere. I will admit that I am far from being disciplined, but do have many ideas which pop into my head. So in the spirit of correct expectations I am going to try and utilize my super cool smart phone and actually write in the ideas which do pop into my head. We'll see how this goes?!?

My second issue, is that I have never been a person to keep a journal or write out my emotions or feelings. I seem to speak them better then write them. But since there is no one following me around with a recorder I guess I am going to have to figure out how to come to grips with the fact that I need to actually be a bit more centered and take the time to write out my thoughts and feelings.

My third and perhaps biggest struggle with this blog, is the vulnerability it takes to write it. I am an incredibly private and guarded person and I really do struggle with the idea of letting my thoughts fly. You might be saying to yourself then stop writing the blog, stop torturing yourself and giving out false expectation to others that you are going to be consistent in your writing... All good thoughts and challenges to me. All things that I have thought about and weighed myself. But there is more and more of my internal self which is desperately asking to be let out, desperately asking for me to give it a chance; to give it a voice. So with this desperation and internal dichotomy I will continue to write.

But I have learned that I am writing for me. So for those of you who stumble on this blog, who look to see if I have awoken and written again, or those who are friends and family who frequent it just because... thank you and perhaps I will be a better more consistent voice or perhaps I will be the same old blogger... but at lease I feel the bar is set correctly :)

Love a perfectly tarnished child of God


Eric said...

haha, ditto! Just today I decided to resurrect my blog at Two World Collision. I've missed blogging actually. But sometimes I just don't have the time! I do way too much.

But i'm going to give it another go too! It's been almost two years since I last wrote, but I have had a lot to process lately.

Anyway, good luck! and much love to you and Andy.


Cheryl said...

Amen, sister. Love reading when you write. Love "verbalizing" when we get together. :) ~cheryl