Wednesday, October 27, 2010

"Patty-fied" from BRAVO's Millionaire Matchmaker

Confession I was watching BRAVO's Millionaire Matchmaker (link) last night after Glee was over, which for the record I was really excited about Glee's Rocky Horror Picture Show episode and I was disappointed...Okay anyway there wasn't anything else on and I was in the middle of a ton of laundry loads so I put on the Millionaire Matchmaker. I was looking for something that didn't require much thought or for me to have to pay attention since I was going back and forth to the laundry room.

As I was folding my towels Patty (the actual matchmaker) came on to discuss the difference between L.A. women and New York women. Quick background Patty and her team originally were in L.A., but have since moved their efforts to New York for this new season to help the millionaires of the NYC. The comparison came down to looks and brains. According to Patty the positives for the New York women were that they all had four year degrees and careers unlike the women of L.A. whose positives were their total commitment to their looks via plastic surgery, nail appointments, waxing, working out, and fashion. Although, Patty felt it was a really good attribute for these women in the NYC to have goals and accomplishments she was really disappointed in them and in so many words felt that the women of L.A. who were focused on outward appearances were better and more feminine women. Both Patty and her colleague were disgusted by the lack of hair dye, manicured nails, and fashion that these women of the NYC were bringing to her millionaires dating club. Even though they agreed they liked the change from all fake boobs, plastic bodies, plumped up lips, and beach blond hair they were missing the fashion, skinny bodies, manicured nails, died hair, waxed bodies, and a good set of boobs. So from that I pretty much decided that they really didn't like plumped lips or pulled faces... Most of the women highlighted on the show were very attractive, but they did not look like fake barbie dolls.

At the end of her comparison she said she needed to "Patty-fy" these women of the NYC and bring back the feminine.

*If they put up the full episode I will come back and link it to this post, otherwise I have placed a link to the BRAVO web page for the show above*

Since we have discussed a bit about what is feminine I am wondering what you thought about this discussion. We had previously discussed that femininity was based on perceptions and societal norms and expectations if that is true is Patty correct with regards to what women should be today do we all need a bit of "Patty-fying" or has she confused feminine again with an over sexualized society expecting women to be sexual not feminine.

Your thoughts?


Super Spy For Jesus said...

Ok- So I have been struck a lot lately at how we all look around at the world and decide that we "need" that. I am not supposed to age. I am not supposed to be small chested. I am not supposed to have skinny lips? I admit it, I am analyzing my body constantly. I attack a pimple like no tomorrow.

But me making my body the focus of attention is not feminine.

I also don't think that the definition of feminine is making yourself have the "Anything men can do I can do better." Attitude.

I think the problem is that although we are told biblically that it is all about the heart and not about the outward appearance, let's face it. If we want to "fit in" that is the easiest piece of us to shape.

Being feminine is not wearing all pink or the absence of pink either.

I am not sure how we do it,because well it is a very old fight, but I think it is about being the person we were created to be. That is feminine.

I wear make up.

I never pay attention to my nails.

I like to feel pretty.

I am blunt and in your face.

I am strong. I am smart.

I let Christ look at my heart and mold it the way that he wants it.

But, I think the world has seeped into our pores in such a way that we don't know how to be us.

Feminine is a way of being totally a woman and not denying it.

However, as Turtle Woman has pointed out so often we have no idea as women the great past we have to offer. We don't know the women who came before us and allowed us to be fully women:

To vote
To go to college
To work in the work place

To not be told what I can't do. To have the choice to stay home or not. For that to be a genuine choice.

Yet, we get sucked into the norm. The nails, the boobs, a nice but. I do it too. I wish with all of me that I didn't.

But those things don't make me feminine. Patty comes along and tells me again something I should not be. I feel ashamed.

That is not feminine.

Anonymous said...

As an 'expert' in breastfeeding, which also means learning about the breast & the attitudes toward it in our culture, I have concluded that God has a bit of a sense of humor in all this.
I have been very active in La Leche League over the years & have met lots of nursing women. I have noticed that flat-chested women are great milk producers & don't seem to have the adjustment problems that most of us have. Women with bigger boobs have more trouble(but it can be done - don't give up!!).
So God rewards the woman with the lack of volumptiousness with the ability to easily produce the most perfect food in the world, give the best kind of loving touch to her kids, etc.
Since the breastfeeding experience was one of the most important things in my child-raising(I would have never forgiven myself if I didn't do it), I hope that those not endowed would realize how blessed they are that they can do something more important than any perfectly sculpted woman could do!!!!

Turtle Woman said...

You're kidding about this post, right?

Brenda S. Marin said...

Turtle Woman yes in all honesty I was being sarcastic, but it did get me thinking that many women watching this show may actually believe that they need to be "Patty-fied." I was attempting to put my sarcasm aside and really just say what was said on the BRAVO TV show and let the comments begin the conversation. Although there are not many comments on this blog I was still surprised and saddened how many women I spoke with actually defended Patty and her desire to make the women of NYC more desirable or in her words more feminine. So yes, I was in my own mind being sarcastic and wanting more of a discussion because there are still many women, many young women, who believe in what Patty is trying to sell and before I know how to change it I am trying to understand it. The more I study and the deeper I get into this subject the more hurt and disturbed I become. I wish I had some better excuse as to why I don't know many of these concepts or that the women's movement in itself was only a historical event, but I am trying to live it now understanding it is a constant and continuous battle. I don't want the voice of women to be from the likes of Patty and I am trying although in a fumbling way I am sure to change this voice.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes I fear we should all shut off our TVs and shut down youtube and forget the magazines for awhile and go media-free to regain a sense of what it really means to be a girl.

We are not our butts or our lips or our hair or our cheeks or our hips. True femininity is strong and deep, not superficial. And while we are it, it is not perfect!

I think of all the women God used in the Bible: Mariam and Huldah, the prophetesses, Deborah the judge and warrior, Tamar the shrewd, Abigail the fearless peacemaker, Mary Magdalene--the appointed apostle to the apostles, Phoebe the deacon/minister, Rahab the prostitute, Mary the mother of Jesus who took on the biggest assignment imaginable and kept the faith.

If you want to know just how amazing women were created to be, study the Hebrew word ezer God used when He created Eve. "I will make an ezer suitable for him." This word ezer was used as a word for God 16 times in the Old Testament, referring to how He comes through to save His people. Amazing!

We are strong helpers, warriors, and rescuers. But how can we live like it with the roar of superficiality surrounding and consuming us? Only with God's help, for sure.

Turtle Woman said...

I can't do much about the trash on TV, but I can know the truth of women through study... and none of the really good stuff is EVER on TV or malestream media.

Go check out the lectures of Judith Jack Halberstam on YouTube-- cutting edge, great lecture style.
It will bust you out of malestream and into a different way of thinking. Start going to new sources for new info. If you stay stuck in the malestream and don't search out what women are actually writing and lecturing about outside the evangelical bubble, you'll be forever wondering just why it is that so little has changed for women in the world.

The brainwashing is constant on malestream TV. Or test out media/movies, and answer there three questions:
1. Are there at least two women with names in the movie?
2. Do they talk to each other with no men present?
3. Do they talk to each other about a subject not related to men?

Use this formula as a key to seeing through the fake media, to getting at a feminist truth about what is really going on in most of the movies we see, or even TV shows too. Since Millionaire Matchmaker is full of women talking about men, it doesn't meet this basic test, does it?