Friday, September 17, 2010

One of those days...

Do you ever have one of those days when you feel as if everything around you is crumbling and tumbling down? You feel like you can't even get up anymore because all of the debris of life is laying on top of you.

Today I have felt as if the weight of the world decided to crash right on top of me. I feel like I am in a deep dark hole and with everything so out of balance and chaotic I don't even know where to begin. I am in a hopeless period I think I am at the place where just trying to start hurts because it only leads to opening up more wounds that I have to face with all the broken pieces.

Some wonderful things have happened to a few people in my life and although I am genuinely happy for both of them there are things happening in my and Andrew's life right now that are just weighing very heavy on my soul. Please pray for the following as I can not carry these alone:

1. Infertility - It hurts more then I can even explain
2. My job - I don't know what the next steps are and I am terrified
3. Andrew - He has been under some major attacks lately and they are incredibly wearing emotionally and spiritually
4. My focus - I can't for the life of me figure out who I am and what I should be doing
5. Direction - Kind of goes with focus, but for strength to follow the path which God is calling me
6. An ability to listen - I need to hear and be patient in the spirit
7. Wise counsel - I need some people women and men who can truly speak into my life and into the situations which both Andrew and I are going through

Thank you in advance...

8 comments:

Rachel said...

Oh Brenda I'm so sorry. Am praying for you (both).

Turtle Woman said...

I always find it helpful to focus on where I'm going in life. After 25 years in business, I find the most useful way to define a career as not necessarily about a "specific job or industry" but about the particular things you like best. The job is just the outer shell, the inner part is what is particulary challenging.

For example, I like high level thinking and intellectual challenges. I like a lot of freedom and independence, and I like access to superb information.
With those things, I craft a career.

I also make sure I'm on the production end of things and not the easily laid off or discarded support staff. When you bring in clients and can prove you are able to find new business, you will be more valued.

On the married side, a spouse can be going through a lot, but also the spouse's career and yours are often two very separate things. Women tend to kind of give in to the husband, when they really need to pay careful attention to their own career development and not get roped into the "helpmeet" trap-- epidemic in evangelical heterosexual circles.

Find good strong women who have succeeded in areas you might want to be in, and call on them for help. Become as educated as you can in eight different disciplines, and keep up with those areas... you get to choose your eight favorites. And sometimes things are down, and you kind of drift for awhile until you wake up again ready for action.

Depression, frustration and career instability are all a part of life, but I believe this down period is also a time of creative waiting. Maybe you are down for a good reason, maybe it takes courage to face your true calling, which may not involve having children at all, but right now it feels awful not being able to have them.

In ten years, you might have a completely different view, as do many of my friends in their 50s who were single mothers.

Reach for what is higher level, do some quality reading, becoming mentally powerful. Be sure to hang out with the best and brightest women you can find, and be true to you.

All of these things help. I can say that I have faced very tough times, but through creative persistance I wouldn't change anything I learned in the down times at all. From my perspective things got so much better, but it sure didn't feel like that during down times. Hope this helps Brenda.

Go for the smart brains, go for it when you are ready. I have every confidense in your ability to be better than you were before!

Turtle Woman said...

I always find it helpful to focus on where I'm going in life. After 25 years in business, I find the most useful way to define a career as not necessarily about a "specific job or industry" but about the particular things you like best. The job is just the outer shell, the inner part is what is particulary challenging.

For example, I like high level thinking and intellectual challenges. I like a lot of freedom and independence, and I like access to superb information.
With those things, I craft a career.

I also make sure I'm on the production end of things and not the easily laid off or discarded support staff. When you bring in clients and can prove you are able to find new business, you will be more valued.

On the married side, a spouse can be going through a lot, but also the spouse's career and yours are often two very separate things. Women tend to kind of give in to the husband, when they really need to pay careful attention to their own career development and not get roped into the "helpmeet" trap-- epidemic in evangelical heterosexual circles.

Find good strong women who have succeeded in areas you might want to be in, and call on them for help. Become as educated as you can in eight different disciplines, and keep up with those areas... you get to choose your eight favorites. And sometimes things are down, and you kind of drift for awhile until you wake up again ready for action.

Depression, frustration and career instability are all a part of life, but I believe this down period is also a time of creative waiting. Maybe you are down for a good reason, maybe it takes courage to face your true calling, which may not involve having children at all, but right now it feels awful not being able to have them.

In ten years, you might have a completely different view, as do many of my friends in their 50s who were single mothers.

Reach for what is higher level, do some quality reading, becoming mentally powerful. Be sure to hang out with the best and brightest women you can find, and be true to you.

All of these things help. I can say that I have faced very tough times, but through creative persistance I wouldn't change anything I learned in the down times at all. From my perspective things got so much better, but it sure didn't feel like that during down times. Hope this helps Brenda.

Go for the smart brains, go for it when you are ready. I have every confidense in your ability to be better than you were before!

Super Spy For Jesus said...

Sometimes it can feel like the words that we have to offer are so trite. To say, "I am praying" feels like empty words. But- I found this blog the other day that made me really sad. It is called, "God is Imaginary" Basically it is for atheists who are disproving God and the ability for prayer to work. I thought to myself. What if I didn't have a Savior that is bigger than I am? Not a religion or a belief system or a morality- but a real God who can move mountains. I know it doesn't feel like he is speaking clearly now, but what if we didn't have hope. The knowledge that the living God would never send us into the raging river without pulling back the waters? What if we didn't have a "what" but a "who" that is in control of the situation? Then it would be excruciating.

This was not practical at all, I know. But- I do know that lonely feeling. That feeling like there is no breath left in your lungs. The world is louder than the whisper. "We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." 2 Cor 4: 8 and 9 The truth is life sucks sometimes- but the Lord will lift up your head.

If you ever want to talk- John and I are here.

Praying.

Nathalie A. said...

you are not alone.

we love you mucho!

if you ever want to chat, hit me up.

Nathalie A. said...

we are STILL praying you through.

much love brenda.

Sarah@EmergingMummy said...

Sorry I'm a bit late. gotcha covered, luv. xo

Nathalie A. said...

still praying for you.

God is there. even when its silent. speaking to myself too.

much love

nathalie