Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Reclaiming Female Vulnerability (or simply human vulnerability)

Since Andrew and I are in a deciding and waiting period of what to do next with our IVF procedure -

I thought I would "blog" some thoughts.

I am going to simply take a stab at blogging on completely different subjects. This particular subject matter has baffled me for some time as I am now 30 years old...Yes all it is true I have left my twenties and feel as if I am about to begin a brand new adventure...although, I am still waiting for the wisdom fairy to come down and hit me over the head or sprinkle some glitter on me and give me "grown up" knowledge and thoughts...Oh well until then I don't want to grow up!

Okay back to some seriousness now...The word vulnerable has confused me in this modern day and age especially as a female. The word vulnerable for a long period of time has made my skin crawl and I could not ever imagine describing myself with such a term. According to Webster the first definition of vulnerable was capable of being wounded...Taken at face value the words would symbolize one that is weak and we as humans and especially as women in today's society should seek to not be vulnerable and should strive to prove our worthiness, strength, experience, capability, etc. Additionally I would say simply that I do not wish to put myself in positions where I am taken advantage of or may find myself vulnerable to an unpleasant experience. However, as I reflect I wonder what does it mean spiritually as a woman to be able to be vulnerable in this world and still understand we have a divine purpose. I must admit as Easter has come and gone I find myself wondering would I have been as vulnerable as Jesus...

As a woman being on this earth for the past 30 years I have celebrated in the "tough" exterior that I put forth, but maybe it is with age or maybe its the awesomeness of relationships the Lord has given to me,  that I have come to realize as humans we are incredibly vulnerable and that is what makes us beautiful. I want to be open and capable of being wounded because that means I have put myself out there holding nothing back. I am loving with everything my Lord has shown me I am giving because the Lord has allowed my cup to be filled in abundance and it is over flowing in my life and I need to share it with others who also are vulnerable.

From a female perspective allowing myself to be vulnerable with my husband is giving myself fully to him and trusting him in loving, respecting, cherishing, and protecting me. No I do not believe my husband will intentionally hurt me, but because I am willing to go all in I am also willing to know that because I love with everything I am open to being wounded.

The most wonderful part in all of this is when we give all of ourselves to the Lord we will be wounded. Jesus did not paint a rosy picture and being a complete follower of Christ is not easy, but we must be vulnerable enough to follow in His divine calling. Women we must be complete enough that we trust our Lord even in the most vulnerable of feelings and places. I would describe myself as a bit of a feminist, I believe in equality, I have studied and furthered my education, I have successfully climbed corporate ladders, and today I am also going to say I am content in being vulnerable in the arms of my Lord and Savior. It is not weak but a wholeness of understanding to give all is to know that there will be times of pain and sorrow but there is hope and my God is awesome and the times of celebration and joy will be so much greater!

1 comment:

April said...

There is nothing like infertility that can cause you to be it or not. I am also a woman who's prized myself at being strong. Yet, I've come to LOVE the tender, vulnerable truths of me because of (in spite of?!?!?) this process. Continuing to pray for you & Andrew throughout your journey!