Adoption Update

Andrew and I have finally begun some of the steps forward in our adoption journey. I want to share a bit of where we are at and some of the choices that we are making within the adoption world.

First, I think its important to share where I am at in my own healing process. This August will be a year after our final and third attempt at IVF. Andrew and I went through clomid, an IUI and three failed IVF attempts. If you have not been through infertility treatments it is not easy to explain all of the treatments, medications, shots, tests, and very personal questions and interviews. The procedures are long and painful, but I think most women would choose to go through it if they thought they could conceive. It wasn't so much the pain of the shots and procedures, but the agony felt emotionally when the attempts failed. I don't know what it means to have a miscarriage but after four attempts of truly believing and hoping you were pregnant and getting the very cold phone call that the procedure did not take there is considerable loss and pain. In order to go through the long invasive procedures you have to have hope that everything was going to work and I will admit that I truly felt pregnant during the two week waiting period every time. Its devastating and quite lonely.

It has taken me almost a year to be able to heal and truly come to terms with the fact that I am going to be a wonderful mother, and that we, Andrew and I are going to make great parents! In the year of healing I told many people that I was of course thinking about adoption, but I knew those were just words and had no meaning behind them it was just the appropriate answer to give when people talked to me about infertility and adoption. Most people who spoke to me had never been through infertility and I will admit there were times I was so angry with them as they talked about adoption. I know their intentions were pure, but it tore my heart a part and I continued to hear in my head the old saying "easier said then done..."

Before I could move forward in adopting I had to know within myself that adoption was not a plan B it was not a second choice. I dedicated a lot of time healing. The bottom line is that I will always have a scar, but that scar has healed and its visible, but the pain is less and I am reminded of the journey I have been on and the exciting new journey I am about to begin.

Bringing us back to our adoption journey...

We have connected with the appropriate people and are staring to review our finances and apply for grants. Andrew and I utilized a majority of our personal funds for IVF and well in all honesty do not have the funds at this time to pursue adoption. However, it is important to start somewhere :) In these first few stages we are creating an adoption plan and discussing what options are available to us. At this time Andrew and I have decided to try for a domestic adoption. Part of my personal healing is that I would like to have a newborn. If I can't have babies of my own I would like the opportunity to have a newborn and experience everything I can in their lives. This may change, but as of today this is the starting point of our adoption plan. We are open to what is called a private adoption, semi-private, and open adoption. The differences are pretty much explained in the names but briefly a private means the adoption is closed, a semi-private means that there is exchange of very basic demographic, biological, and historical information and finally open means there is exchange of information on a more consistent basis and the two families are both involved on some level within the child's life.

According to the people we are working with domestic adoption runs from $10,000 to $40,000 with the average unfortunately being closer to the $40,000. Andrew and I of course don't even have the $10,000 at this time, but we are faithful that the Lord will provide and knows our hearts and desire to be parents.

In the next few weeks we will be discussing how we can do fund raisers, apply for as many grants as possible, look for loans, and figure out if we have any savings that we don't know about :).

I will be posting an application on my blog if you would like to help donate to our adoption. Additionally, I will be updating on this blog where we are at in the process.

Please pray with us for the following:

1. Direction in finances
2. Patience in the process
3. To not be discouraged
4. Prayer for the baby which will one day be with Andrew and I
5. Prayer for the mother who will carry her baby for 9 months and still choose adoption
6. Prayer for the father who will also make a huge decision to give up his baby for adoption
7. Prayer for continued healing emotionally

Sorry I have been away for a bit

Hi all

I apologize that I have been away for quite a bit of time. Andrew and I have been on some amazing and long travels. We were in DC in the early part of April to be with very good and dear friends. I was even able to celebrate my birthday with them. We then arrived home did a massive amount of laundry and turned around for a month long trip to the UK. We spent the last three weeks speaking at Spring Harvest (yes both speaking).

We are currently in Eastbourne staying with some wonderful friends. In a couple of days we will be heading for Scotland where Andrew is speaking at a couple of universities including St Andrews. We then head to London and in about a week fly home.

I can't wait to share and write more. I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter.

A perfectly tarnished child of God

Officially Speaking with The Marin Foundation

Hi all:

Well as I have been on a very bumpy ride within my life so far I have also been asked on occasion to share my story. I have fallen in love with speaking to groups on a variety of topics. The audiences have been different and the subject matters wide, but I have loved it.

So I want to officially announce that I am available through The Marin Foundation to speak. If you would like to have me come and share or you know of a group and would like to suggest for me to share I would be delighted. Please check out my brief bio under the staff page and also check out my speakers bio under the resources tab. You can inquire about having me speak at your event by emailing speaking@themarinfoundation.org.

My journey in this life is far from finished, but I want to give voice to those areas which I have been emotionally and physically wrestling through. I don't have all the answers, but I do have a very compassionate heart which has had to go through some bumps and bruises. Being stripped from all identity and finding my solace in the Lord is humbling and empowering.

My professional, educational, and personal experiences make for some interesting conversations and talks. I hope you would agree!!!

I look forward to being at one of your events!

A perfectly tarnished child of God

Was my identity really in Christ...we are looking to adopt...

This may be one of the most difficult posts I will write. I have not shared in a while where Andrew and I are at in the journey of our infertility. Maybe its because so many things have changed in my life that set me into a bit of a tail spin. Being laid off, trying to figure out my next steps, discovering who I am as a professional, and as a woman. I have been learning that although I state that my identity has been in Christ the reality is that my identity really was wrapped up in so many other areas. Now that so much of my identity has been stripped away I know my security was in the things which defined who I was; my career, my family, my ability to have a baby, my education, and my dreams/aspirations.

It is so easy to state that your trust and identity is fully in Christ when everything seems to line up perfectly within the expectations of your cultural norms. In my case that means having a great education, being on the fast track for my career, and of course one day being the super mommy which produces the perfect 2.1 kids (is that the statistic for the States?...still not sure about the .1%). I so arrogantly stated that of course I trust in God and his call on my life. Of course I listen to the Voice of God and the calling placed upon me. How proud I was when I spoke into others lives about challenging them to have the same faith which I possessed. The same "God connection" which I had.

I am sorry...Not only for being so arrogant in my faith and declaration of having a Christ centered life, but that it took being so stripped from everything which I felt was my security in defining who I was and my success as a person (which was quite far from a Christ-centered measurement). It is a humbling place to have to look in the mirror and realize that you no longer are the person you thought you were or were going to be. That you no longer have all of the accolades which gave you a buffer from the realities of this world. People ask me all the time, what do you do, how many children do you have, when are you going to have children? I used to have very confident "Christ-woman-centered-perfect" answers for these questions. Now I stumble and struggle to give an answer to any of the above questions...

But, thankfully we serve a God who allows us to learn in all circumstances. Whose Grace is greater then anything which I gave to myself and in many cases those around me. I am a work in progress. I am learning to be a Christ centered person...I am trying.

I have no answers other then that I am a broken woman, a perfect and tarnished child of God. I can't have children (at least not right now-I do believe in a God of great miracles too). We are considering adopting. I will write more about our process to adoption in posts to come...

I will end with this quickly... We are looking to adopt. This has been a long road and a very painful process. I had to become fully whole again as a person and especially as a woman before I could come to a place where adoption was a wonderful and natural choice for me to make. Andrew was already and always on board, but I was not. My heart is full, not healed, but full and whole. We can't wait to love a child and become the most awesome parents.

I want to encourage young women who find themselves in a situation where keeping their baby may not be the best option, I say this with the deepest and most compassionate heart, please consider adoption. There are many people in this world like Andrew and I who would love to adopt a baby. Who will care for your child as if it was their own. Who have come a long way to understand the gift a baby is and the miracle for which that baby comes. Most importantly we understand the sacrifice and the many paths this life journey takes each of us.

A recovering broken soul :)

Is it possible that we also can be our own enemies (at least not our worst)

I came across this article in the NY Times. It was located within the opinion section of the paper and it was written in response to International Women's Day. The question from the article and within the title is "Do Women Leaders Matter?" You can read the article here.

A quick synopsis of the article is simply that in some countries, which are more or less male dominated by nature, who have female leaders even at the top most level, the women seem to do less for other females within their respective countries. However, the article does highlight that when women are among the general leadership constructs of the country and/or organization that women seem to assist other women in moving female concepts forward.

The article intrigued me because I personally have found myself at the hands of a very unwilling female executive who in her struggle to maintain her position within our very male dominated company refused to assist other females in moving forward or up the "corporate ladder." She would pour her knowledge and expertise into male subordinates and neglect the female ones. She shared with me once her journey and how hard it was to get to her position and she was doing everything in her power to stay there as it was her fight and life's goal to be a VP. I asked if she felt as a female if she should be in her position and her answered surprised me. (Lesson learned don't ask a question you already think you know the answer to... it may surprise you and knock you off your game for a bit). She said no. She did not believe a female should necessary be at her level, but that she was special and had given up so much, studied that much harder, received much more accreditations, certifications, etc. The female VP told me that she needed to protect her spot and would not let just anyone come up the executive ladder especially other women. Her thought was simply that if there were other women then maybe she would loose the control/power/specialness over her position.

I also wondered if she felt that other women were not working as hard or giving up as much as she did and therefore they did not deserve to be at the level she had made it to. She did tell me that she was not a pioneer and did not pave any way for others to follow. Yet, she continued to mentor male employees.

I no longer work for that company, but I will tell you that her attitude toward women leadership caused a great deal of hardship in trying to convince the executive levels of the talents which I as a female brought to the table and could contribute to this organization. The female executive had such a hold on the other executives and had created this impossible expectation for other female employees. She, the female VP had more degrees, accreditations, certifications, and recognitions then any of the other executives combined and yet she would not relinquish her hold on being the one and only female executive...

So I ask can we as women hurt each other, do we hurt each other...

This new trend of "mean girls" in school... what does that represent...

Are there so few positions at the top for women that when one makes it she holds on to it so tightly to not let anyone else in. Especially other women which may take away from the accomplishment....

Thoughts

Finally, Happy Feminist Coming Out Day...

Please check out this article if you would like to discover more about Feminist Coming Out Day and what Feminist and Feminism looks like, linked here.

Another Article in honor of the 100th Anniversary of International Women's Day

Please check out some of the statistics highlighted in the below article, linked here. Please note the below article references some photographs. As I didn't know how to transfer them over please click on the link to see them.

Tabby Biddle.Writer/Reporter dedicated to the empowerment of women

Posted: March 8, 2011 03:32 PM BIO Become a Fan Get Email Alerts Bloggers' Index .International Women's Day: Celebrating Women Who Forge Democracy In Liberia

Read More: International Women's Day , Liberia , Michelle Bachelet , President Ellen Johnson Sirleaf. Hillary Clinton , Un Women , United Nations , Women Leaders , Women's Empowerment , Women's Rights , Impact News

There are 192 countries that are recognized members of the United Nations. Women have the right to vote in only 67 of them. That means in 65 percent of the world's nations, women's voices are silenced in the creation of the laws and policies that govern them (and their children). Most of us know that women make up more than half of the world's population. So does something feel off balance to you?

Today is the 100th anniversary of International Women's Day. One hundred years ago, women could vote in only two countries (Australia and New Zealand). So we could say we've come a long way in 100 years -- and we have -- but we all must must recognize that we've got a ways to go.

To mark this 100th anniversary of International Women's Day, Michelle Bachelet, former President of Chile and current Executive Director of UN Women, joined Liberian President Ellen Johnson Sirleaf - the first democratically elected woman President in Africa -- in Liberia to highlight the importance of women's leadership in forging strong democracies, economies and re-building societies after conflict.

"I am very pleased to celebrate this milestone in Liberia, a country where women's influence in forging peace and recovery offers lessons for all countries committed to advancing gender equality and women's human rights," said Ms. Bachelet in a press briefing.

Female United Nations peacekeepers yesterday with Kathy Calvin, CEO U.N. Foundation, left, and Executive Director of U.N. Women and former President of Chile, Michelle Bachelet after visiting a Peace Hut, a forum for community justice, in rural Liberia. Photo credit: Stuart Ramson/Insider Images for the United Nations Foundation.

Liberia is not only the first country in Africa to democratically elect a woman as president, but the home to one of the first female peacekeeping units. "This is a country that has stood up and has been able to build a stable democracy for five years after more than 10 years of conflict," said Ms. Bachelet. "I believe women are essential agents of peace. They are always trying to find the consensus."

It turns out that today women make up less than 8 percent of peace teams around the world, and of those eight percent, no women are at the head.

If we look at heads of state, the disparity is similar. Out of 192 countries around the world, only 19 women are heads of state. Remember, we are more than 50 percent of the population.

Teen girls meet with the United Nations Foundation's Girl Up Campaign over the weekend to talk about the challenges women face in post-conflict Liberia. The girls are part of a special program at the THINK empowerment center in Liberia's capital Monrovia. Photo credit: Stuart Ramson/Insider Images for the United Nations Foundation

It can seem like we have come so far in 100 years, and we have. But it's also obvious that there is so much more work to do.

Today let's celebrate being women and give thanks to the courageous women before us who have spoken out for women's rights and risked their lives for the sake of all women. Let's honor the women in Liberia who have been confronted with devastating violence and are re-building their country and boldly setting an example of what is possible with women as agents of peace.

Let's continue to celebrate how far we've come, and with this, deepen our commitment to speaking up for ourselves and for the rights and respect of all women and girls around the world. I am convinced this will be a win-win for everyone.