Andrew and I have finally begun some of the steps forward in our adoption journey. I want to share a bit of where we are at and some of the choices that we are making within the adoption world.
First, I think its important to share where I am at in my own healing process. This August will be a year after our final and third attempt at IVF. Andrew and I went through clomid, an IUI and three failed IVF attempts. If you have not been through infertility treatments it is not easy to explain all of the treatments, medications, shots, tests, and very personal questions and interviews. The procedures are long and painful, but I think most women would choose to go through it if they thought they could conceive. It wasn't so much the pain of the shots and procedures, but the agony felt emotionally when the attempts failed. I don't know what it means to have a miscarriage but after four attempts of truly believing and hoping you were pregnant and getting the very cold phone call that the procedure did not take there is considerable loss and pain. In order to go through the long invasive procedures you have to have hope that everything was going to work and I will admit that I truly felt pregnant during the two week waiting period every time. Its devastating and quite lonely.
It has taken me almost a year to be able to heal and truly come to terms with the fact that I am going to be a wonderful mother, and that we, Andrew and I are going to make great parents! In the year of healing I told many people that I was of course thinking about adoption, but I knew those were just words and had no meaning behind them it was just the appropriate answer to give when people talked to me about infertility and adoption. Most people who spoke to me had never been through infertility and I will admit there were times I was so angry with them as they talked about adoption. I know their intentions were pure, but it tore my heart a part and I continued to hear in my head the old saying "easier said then done..."
Before I could move forward in adopting I had to know within myself that adoption was not a plan B it was not a second choice. I dedicated a lot of time healing. The bottom line is that I will always have a scar, but that scar has healed and its visible, but the pain is less and I am reminded of the journey I have been on and the exciting new journey I am about to begin.
Bringing us back to our adoption journey...
We have connected with the appropriate people and are staring to review our finances and apply for grants. Andrew and I utilized a majority of our personal funds for IVF and well in all honesty do not have the funds at this time to pursue adoption. However, it is important to start somewhere :) In these first few stages we are creating an adoption plan and discussing what options are available to us. At this time Andrew and I have decided to try for a domestic adoption. Part of my personal healing is that I would like to have a newborn. If I can't have babies of my own I would like the opportunity to have a newborn and experience everything I can in their lives. This may change, but as of today this is the starting point of our adoption plan. We are open to what is called a private adoption, semi-private, and open adoption. The differences are pretty much explained in the names but briefly a private means the adoption is closed, a semi-private means that there is exchange of very basic demographic, biological, and historical information and finally open means there is exchange of information on a more consistent basis and the two families are both involved on some level within the child's life.
According to the people we are working with domestic adoption runs from $10,000 to $40,000 with the average unfortunately being closer to the $40,000. Andrew and I of course don't even have the $10,000 at this time, but we are faithful that the Lord will provide and knows our hearts and desire to be parents.
In the next few weeks we will be discussing how we can do fund raisers, apply for as many grants as possible, look for loans, and figure out if we have any savings that we don't know about :).
I will be posting an application on my blog if you would like to help donate to our adoption. Additionally, I will be updating on this blog where we are at in the process.
Please pray with us for the following:
1. Direction in finances
2. Patience in the process
3. To not be discouraged
4. Prayer for the baby which will one day be with Andrew and I
5. Prayer for the mother who will carry her baby for 9 months and still choose adoption
6. Prayer for the father who will also make a huge decision to give up his baby for adoption
7. Prayer for continued healing emotionally